She waved goodbye as the slowest tears streamed down her cheeks
The little girl she loved held onto the door not understanding
Not understanding that this move was a new start
Not understanding that her heart racing, her mind unravelling was OK
She reached a small room with no smell of the rose scented perfume of her baby
The little hands she once held were safe with her mother
But she didn’t feel safe
Every day that passed, she cried.
She cried because she felt alone, this new life was full of hope but there were days when the fears that lingered HIT her HARD.
The past few years had bruised her heart
She used to dance, she used to wander in her musings.
The past few years had bruised her heart but they did not break it.
The hurt she felt at the deepest part of her core,the part you only share with few people in your life
somehow turned into her strength.
It was the catalyst for the biggest leap of her life. It was the catalyst for new dreams.
During the winters she tried to hold on to the scent of her baby’s rose perfume
She tried to remember her laugh, her little hands holding hers as they walked through the market.
She held on TIGHTLY to the sweet embrace when she used to put her to sleep
Ella es su corazón
And she is her joy.
The day had come. With a stuffed bear on hand she waited patiently for hours.
The sleepless nights, the 22 hour days
The miles she walked to get from point A to point B, the days she went without meals, the days she had to cry herself to sleep.
They finally paid off.
A stewardess held on to the little girl’s hand.
They reached the gate entrance and then time stood still.
“Mi niña” she cried
She ran to the little girl.
Cheeks were still rosy but her curls were gone.
She dropped to her knees and pressed her weeping face against her baby girl’s chest and hugged her tightly
She had played this scene in her head time and time again.
She held onto it like the times you hold on to the .25 seconds when the sun shines on your face during a blistering winter day.
She finally looked up at this little rosy face hoping to hear her small voice say “mamá”
This is what she held onto during the past 456 days
In this new life she didn’t feel like much
At times she felt INVISIBLE
But she knew that to her corazon, she was “Mamá”
With a jerk, the little girl set her arms free, looked down at Elisa with streaks of mascara running down her face and said
Pam Honores is a Jersey City native, a lover of spoken word and self-improvement books, human and animal rights activist, and a Digital Media professional. She is a daughter of Peruvian and Mexican parents who immigrated to the U.S. for a better life and have continuously inspired and encouraged her to become the best version of herself and pay it forward. Through her writing she hopes to inspire people to think about commonalities that connect everyone despite all our differences.